hobgoblinn (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
hobgoblinn) wrote2008-01-27 10:58 pm
hobgoblinn) wrote2008-01-27 10:58 pm
As the Wee Hobgoblinn turns
Most of my posts about my wee hob are funny, or at least tongue in cheek. I love my boy and I am usually inordinately proud of him. He is a lad of life, an imp of fame, and a blessing.
Today, I still love my son. But he has made some very, very bad choices recently, and they came home to roost today. It's bad enough to find out that he's been hiding a serious misdeed from me and lying about it. It's infinitely worse to have just had a meeting Yesterday with the ordained one, at which it finally came out that they think Wee Hob made off with an expensive blackberry someone left in the sacristy-- and to have defended the boy saying it was nothing he would ever do--
Only to find out less than 24 hours later, and a month after the theft, that he did it.
Yeah. The good Monsignor still is a bit clueless about kids and heavy handed about dealing with uncomfortable situations. But he has every right to demand that a child he believes to be a thief be closely supervised at all times in his church. And now that I know what he's done, that will not be the only way or place he's closely supervised. His grounding has been extended to the rest of the school year (he was already grounded for some much milder behavior that we thought was an aberration, not a pattern), and I'm going to have to hire someone to supervise him between the end of school and when I can get home-- no more after school clubs or friends house or walking home by himself.
Boy had to get dressed up in his suit again this afternoon and accompany me and his godparents back to the church, hand the item over to Father and apologize. He also got a good deal of wisdom and help from his godmother in particular. She is a better therapist, really, than any of the professionals I had dealings with over my years in the court system, and that's saying something. Not that he won't be getting some appointments with professionals as well. But the work she did with him this afternoon helped him finally admit everything out loud. And she reinforced my message to him that if he's trying to see if we'll give up on him, it ain't gonna happen. Ever. Really, now that I think about it, major life changes have been happening to this kid at about 2-2 and a half year intervals all his life. So perhaps we were due. And he's had multiple living situations fail as he became too much to handle in various placements.
It's hard for me not to feel that I've failed here somehow. But this is not about me, and I have no control over his choices. I can certainly take steps to limit his choices, and boy, have I ever.
So, a miserable, draining day that could only have been made worse had death or dismemberment been involved. But I am so thankful for his godparents, and my other friends both near, and here.
Today, I still love my son. But he has made some very, very bad choices recently, and they came home to roost today. It's bad enough to find out that he's been hiding a serious misdeed from me and lying about it. It's infinitely worse to have just had a meeting Yesterday with the ordained one, at which it finally came out that they think Wee Hob made off with an expensive blackberry someone left in the sacristy-- and to have defended the boy saying it was nothing he would ever do--
Only to find out less than 24 hours later, and a month after the theft, that he did it.
Yeah. The good Monsignor still is a bit clueless about kids and heavy handed about dealing with uncomfortable situations. But he has every right to demand that a child he believes to be a thief be closely supervised at all times in his church. And now that I know what he's done, that will not be the only way or place he's closely supervised. His grounding has been extended to the rest of the school year (he was already grounded for some much milder behavior that we thought was an aberration, not a pattern), and I'm going to have to hire someone to supervise him between the end of school and when I can get home-- no more after school clubs or friends house or walking home by himself.
Boy had to get dressed up in his suit again this afternoon and accompany me and his godparents back to the church, hand the item over to Father and apologize. He also got a good deal of wisdom and help from his godmother in particular. She is a better therapist, really, than any of the professionals I had dealings with over my years in the court system, and that's saying something. Not that he won't be getting some appointments with professionals as well. But the work she did with him this afternoon helped him finally admit everything out loud. And she reinforced my message to him that if he's trying to see if we'll give up on him, it ain't gonna happen. Ever. Really, now that I think about it, major life changes have been happening to this kid at about 2-2 and a half year intervals all his life. So perhaps we were due. And he's had multiple living situations fail as he became too much to handle in various placements.
It's hard for me not to feel that I've failed here somehow. But this is not about me, and I have no control over his choices. I can certainly take steps to limit his choices, and boy, have I ever.
So, a miserable, draining day that could only have been made worse had death or dismemberment been involved. But I am so thankful for his godparents, and my other friends both near, and here.
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I guess I've wanted so much to see him and his improvement as "normal" that I've lost sight of the fact that he's really not, for a host of reasons. He may yet become so, but wishing is not going to accomplish the fact.
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I also came up with it's companion book in my search, a teen survival guide that Wee Hobb might find helpful: http://search.barnesandnoble.com/booksearch/isbnInquiry.asp?z=y&EAN=9780936197487&itm=1
I think I might buy these for my sister and my niece.
Anyway, my thoughts and prayers are still with you and I hope this helps a little.
*hugs*