How "Summer" came to be - Part the Second
Sep. 21st, 2006 05:43 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hobgoblinnI started my one and only fanfic, without any real sense of a Plot, Theme or Structure. Yes, I had heard the words-- I was a Lit major, after all. I wrote the numb grief parts before I saw the Season 6 opener, but once I had seen the first few episodes of that Season, I began to explore how everyone got from the base of the Tower in “The Gift” to the cemetery in “Bargaining 1.” I tried to go back then and map out a sequence of events that needed to be covered. But still, nothing like “structure” or “theme” or even “what the heck am I trying to say” emerged. I would get a flash of something-- an image, or a bit of dialogue as I was drifting off to sleep, and I would be off writing for hours at a time. I had the luxury of that, then.
But then, my life suddenly changed, and instead of needing a solitary outlet to grieve my own losses, I found myself being a single mom to a very hyperactive and psychologically fragile 9 year old. That’s a saga by itself, but the part that bears on this story is that, suddenly, both the time and the grief fueled need to write, had evaporated.
Several times over the past couple of years, I have come back to what I wrote, polished it some, and tried to carry it forward. But no flashes came to me with new material, and what I’ve now just completed as the “end” stayed stalled as I tried to force it into a structure it didn’t much like. I tried to jump start my creativity by rewatching the series, but it was hard to find time to do it when small boy was not around. Even without some of the psychological difficulties he struggles with, I have to say that as a parent, there are a lot of things, especially in later seasons of BtVS, that I would not want my son to see until he is a Lot older. (45 maybe.)
Another thing that held me back, too. I totally understand now, why Kris Walhberg seems to have abandoned her beautiful Transformations Quartet. How do you make sense, even in some kind of AU, of the later seasons of the series? By the time I had gotten through the whole 7 Seaons, the emotional connection I’d once had to the characters was almost gone. I didn’t know these people, and I wasn’t sure I wanted them out there standing between Me and any forces of darkness.
That’s changed, too, as I’ve branched out into more gen, post series fics, thanks to some well deserved award nominations for things like liz_marcs “Living History”. That led to my devouring everything else she had written, then moving on to recommendations she’d tagged in her LJ, which led me to nwhepcat and others. I remained on a couple of fan centric yahoo groups-- Giles-centric, mostly, but there’s also “Better Buffy Fics,” which was sent the occasional gem my way. I began to build up an emotional connection to these characters again as I kept reading, and a connection to the community of writers as I read more and more of this thing called “Live Journal.”
And as soon as my employer forced me to get broadband at home, and paid me enough extra that I actually could, I decided to take the plunge. So here I am. And even after I archive this one completed story, I hope that even if I don’t ever write another fan fic, I can be a productive member of that community, by offering encouragement, feedback, and thoughtful questions to others whose work and ideas I admire.
(And of course, if all that leads me to figure out what happens in the second half of that novel I’ve had written since grad school, I wouldn’t be sorry. I still don’t know how it ends, and I’d like to.)
Here endeth the lesson. Tomorrow, hopefully, fic posting can commence in earnest. Tonight, young son is receiving lessons in Advanced Laundry. Someday, his significant other will thank me. And hey-- natural consequences work so much better than punishments. “Mom, where’s my underwear?” -- “Did you wash any?” -- “Um...”
But then, my life suddenly changed, and instead of needing a solitary outlet to grieve my own losses, I found myself being a single mom to a very hyperactive and psychologically fragile 9 year old. That’s a saga by itself, but the part that bears on this story is that, suddenly, both the time and the grief fueled need to write, had evaporated.
Several times over the past couple of years, I have come back to what I wrote, polished it some, and tried to carry it forward. But no flashes came to me with new material, and what I’ve now just completed as the “end” stayed stalled as I tried to force it into a structure it didn’t much like. I tried to jump start my creativity by rewatching the series, but it was hard to find time to do it when small boy was not around. Even without some of the psychological difficulties he struggles with, I have to say that as a parent, there are a lot of things, especially in later seasons of BtVS, that I would not want my son to see until he is a Lot older. (45 maybe.)
Another thing that held me back, too. I totally understand now, why Kris Walhberg seems to have abandoned her beautiful Transformations Quartet. How do you make sense, even in some kind of AU, of the later seasons of the series? By the time I had gotten through the whole 7 Seaons, the emotional connection I’d once had to the characters was almost gone. I didn’t know these people, and I wasn’t sure I wanted them out there standing between Me and any forces of darkness.
That’s changed, too, as I’ve branched out into more gen, post series fics, thanks to some well deserved award nominations for things like liz_marcs “Living History”. That led to my devouring everything else she had written, then moving on to recommendations she’d tagged in her LJ, which led me to nwhepcat and others. I remained on a couple of fan centric yahoo groups-- Giles-centric, mostly, but there’s also “Better Buffy Fics,” which was sent the occasional gem my way. I began to build up an emotional connection to these characters again as I kept reading, and a connection to the community of writers as I read more and more of this thing called “Live Journal.”
And as soon as my employer forced me to get broadband at home, and paid me enough extra that I actually could, I decided to take the plunge. So here I am. And even after I archive this one completed story, I hope that even if I don’t ever write another fan fic, I can be a productive member of that community, by offering encouragement, feedback, and thoughtful questions to others whose work and ideas I admire.
(And of course, if all that leads me to figure out what happens in the second half of that novel I’ve had written since grad school, I wouldn’t be sorry. I still don’t know how it ends, and I’d like to.)
Here endeth the lesson. Tomorrow, hopefully, fic posting can commence in earnest. Tonight, young son is receiving lessons in Advanced Laundry. Someday, his significant other will thank me. And hey-- natural consequences work so much better than punishments. “Mom, where’s my underwear?” -- “Did you wash any?” -- “Um...”
