More Obscure Grooviness, and Reflections

Some months back, willowgreen and nwhepcat posted memes on their journals, offering anyone who responded and agreed to post a similar meme on their own journal their very own box of obscure grooviness. For those who don't remember the exact terms, it doesn't matter, because I have filled two boxes with interesting and groovy things I do not want to pitch. So-- if you reply to this entry and private message me with your mailing address, you will get something cool, no strings attached. Post a similar meme or not on your journal, as you like. PMs, for newer lj-ers, can be sent by visiting my profile and clicking on the link "Send this user a message."

How much loot you score depends on how many responses I get. I'm hoping removing the requirement to make the same offer will boost response here.

I have 2 more boxes to go through, and then to clean up and organize what's left. I never would have had the courage to do this on my own, or the motivation. But it feels Really Good, clearing a space in my life like this. Long overdue, letting some of this go. And finding that some of the memories don't hurt like they did. It still hurts that I won't see some of my kids again, and that I will have missed all of their childhoods if they do come looking for me later. But my kids were and are beautiful gifts, and I'm not sorry for my part in bringing them into the world, whatever else happened after. And making some of the hard choices I made gave them a chance at good lives, and freed me up for Wee Hob, who really does need me most. Not only is the sadness tempered by that realization, but-- I had avoided looking through this stuff for so long, and-- it didn't kill me.

I don't know if I can really explain that. But it's really a lot like how I got over stage fright in college. My Senior Recital, and I was almost at the end when I took a sip of water between numbers and had it go down wrong-- and Bruce had already started the intro to the last song. It was an embarrassing few seconds of choking on stage in front of friends and family and everyone I knew, and then-- I got it back, and I sang to the end. And I didn't die. I had the worst possible thing that could have happened happen, and I survived it. Takes the terror out of the whole thing, knowing that. The worst has already happened, and I survived it.

I haven't given up on writing, by the way, and my friend is very much encouraging me to keep writing. But a lot of my writing was avoiding Real Life, I see now, and I need to actually take care of a little more of that. But I will be chipping away at stuff and bugging betas soon and the like. I also have half a Christmas sequel to Lost Boys written, and I am going to shoot for getting it postable during the season.

Thanks to all of you for kind words of encouragement in my fan and Real Life endeavors.