Justice, Mercy, and Real Life
Feb. 7th, 2008 08:18 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hobgoblinnWhat a week it has been.
The Further Misadventures of Wee Hob
Wee Hob got suspended yet again on Tuesday (he had been back to school a grand total of One day) for having a couple of empty shotgun shells joined by a wire in his coat pocket. Not at all lethal, not even as potentially dangerous as a paring knife. But when the school counselor asked him about it, he said, "Some people think this is a bomb."
In addition to the two day suspension, I got the joy of meeting with an assistant superintendent from the Central Office, as well as the Principal and Vice Principal of the Middle School about it.
Good news-- they did not call the police. More good news-- they did not call the social servants. Even more good news-- they saw that I was doing my best here and willing to cooperate with them in any way possible-- between that and what Dr. W told them, they're willing to work with us. For now.
Wee Hob saw Dr. Kim W. today and got the Riot Act read to him yet again. If he was laboring under any false impressions about the probable consequences for his actions, now he's-- not. We have a starting point for what's causing the behavior, too-- he's being bullied at school at lot more than I was aware, and it's triggering lots of old things for him. Add a dollop of adolescent hormones and none of this is surprising, given the history. But she made it clear that whatever he's feeling, how he's Acting is Not Okay. That she Knows and Expects him to start behaving himself. And that Everyone thinks Mom's doing okay here.
... and reflections on the difference one good person can make in the world.
What was particularly touching for me, though, was hearing the reaction to all this of one of my old nemeses in the court battles. I looked up an old comment tonight to quote in another journal, for someone dealing with some Legal Troubles, and it introduces her well:
If I had known what I was up against when I started, I don't know that I would have had it in me to even begin. Later, I joked that I was just a bit of a slow learner. But mostly, when my courage was at its lowest point, I wrote. And I tried to make my words true, to live up to the kind of person I wanted myself to be.
And at the last, I didn't get my one son back because of anything I was-- I got him back because one decent person who had been on the opposing side for years by then, suddenly bucked all her superiors and gave me a real chance, with a professional she knew was independent and had integrity. And they finally started listening to my son, and sorting out what really happened from what they assumed Must have happened or we wouldn't be several years into a legal battle over it....
Which explains my fervent belief that it isn't laws and justice that save anyone-- it's human decency, showing itself in the most unlikely of places. And that the worst damage is done not by the people who are truly evil, who enjoy causing pain and misery, but by people so convinced of their own righteousness and good intentions, that they can't see past it to what's really in front of them. Because if they could, they would also have to look within themselves, and see there same weaknesses and vulnerabilities as are in those they are passing judgment on.
The "one decent person" was the attorney for the Social Servants. She was always professional to me, even if at first she was undeniably hostile, having been told so many lies about me by people who were supposed to be telling her the truth. My kids were damaged, and everyone was telling her I was responsible for it. But somewhere along the way in those years of legal appearances, endless, pointless bureaucratic meetings and busywork, she had a change of heart, with the result outlined above. She's paid for it, Kim told me today-- they don't send her as many cases anymore, and they've blocked her advancement in other petty ways. And Kim tells me, she'd do it all over again, only earlier, if she could.
And here's what my old enemy said when she heard about my troubles: "How dare that boy scare his mom like that! Is she okay? What can we do to help her?"
Whoa. It just floors me that after all this time, I have people like that still pulling for me.
I don't need comments and hugs tonight for myself, or even for Wee Hob. But if anyone wants to offer whatever you offer the universe, in thanks and praise and good vibes, for people who buck the system and do the right thing, at great personal cost, I'd be grateful to you for it.
The Further Misadventures of Wee Hob
Wee Hob got suspended yet again on Tuesday (he had been back to school a grand total of One day) for having a couple of empty shotgun shells joined by a wire in his coat pocket. Not at all lethal, not even as potentially dangerous as a paring knife. But when the school counselor asked him about it, he said, "Some people think this is a bomb."
In addition to the two day suspension, I got the joy of meeting with an assistant superintendent from the Central Office, as well as the Principal and Vice Principal of the Middle School about it.
Good news-- they did not call the police. More good news-- they did not call the social servants. Even more good news-- they saw that I was doing my best here and willing to cooperate with them in any way possible-- between that and what Dr. W told them, they're willing to work with us. For now.
Wee Hob saw Dr. Kim W. today and got the Riot Act read to him yet again. If he was laboring under any false impressions about the probable consequences for his actions, now he's-- not. We have a starting point for what's causing the behavior, too-- he's being bullied at school at lot more than I was aware, and it's triggering lots of old things for him. Add a dollop of adolescent hormones and none of this is surprising, given the history. But she made it clear that whatever he's feeling, how he's Acting is Not Okay. That she Knows and Expects him to start behaving himself. And that Everyone thinks Mom's doing okay here.
... and reflections on the difference one good person can make in the world.
What was particularly touching for me, though, was hearing the reaction to all this of one of my old nemeses in the court battles. I looked up an old comment tonight to quote in another journal, for someone dealing with some Legal Troubles, and it introduces her well:
If I had known what I was up against when I started, I don't know that I would have had it in me to even begin. Later, I joked that I was just a bit of a slow learner. But mostly, when my courage was at its lowest point, I wrote. And I tried to make my words true, to live up to the kind of person I wanted myself to be.
And at the last, I didn't get my one son back because of anything I was-- I got him back because one decent person who had been on the opposing side for years by then, suddenly bucked all her superiors and gave me a real chance, with a professional she knew was independent and had integrity. And they finally started listening to my son, and sorting out what really happened from what they assumed Must have happened or we wouldn't be several years into a legal battle over it....
Which explains my fervent belief that it isn't laws and justice that save anyone-- it's human decency, showing itself in the most unlikely of places. And that the worst damage is done not by the people who are truly evil, who enjoy causing pain and misery, but by people so convinced of their own righteousness and good intentions, that they can't see past it to what's really in front of them. Because if they could, they would also have to look within themselves, and see there same weaknesses and vulnerabilities as are in those they are passing judgment on.
The "one decent person" was the attorney for the Social Servants. She was always professional to me, even if at first she was undeniably hostile, having been told so many lies about me by people who were supposed to be telling her the truth. My kids were damaged, and everyone was telling her I was responsible for it. But somewhere along the way in those years of legal appearances, endless, pointless bureaucratic meetings and busywork, she had a change of heart, with the result outlined above. She's paid for it, Kim told me today-- they don't send her as many cases anymore, and they've blocked her advancement in other petty ways. And Kim tells me, she'd do it all over again, only earlier, if she could.
And here's what my old enemy said when she heard about my troubles: "How dare that boy scare his mom like that! Is she okay? What can we do to help her?"
Whoa. It just floors me that after all this time, I have people like that still pulling for me.
I don't need comments and hugs tonight for myself, or even for Wee Hob. But if anyone wants to offer whatever you offer the universe, in thanks and praise and good vibes, for people who buck the system and do the right thing, at great personal cost, I'd be grateful to you for it.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2008-02-08 01:31 am (UTC)You've got it, my friend. And while you say you don't need them, you have my hugs and continued best wishes. So does Wee Hob.
Thanks for the reminder that the greatest thing we have to offer one another is an open mind and a little basic human decency.
(no subject)
Date: 2008-02-08 03:14 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-02-08 03:36 am (UTC)As far as the bullying, I wish I had advice. Zachary went through it in fourth grade and it made him miserable. My husband wound up picking him up every day at school instead of letting him take the bus because that's where the worst of it occurred. Eventually it ended, likely because they found another target.
I hope the school steps in and does something, although they didn't in our case.
(no subject)
Date: 2008-02-08 05:04 am (UTC)Done.
(no subject)
Date: 2008-02-08 09:10 am (UTC)Bucking the system is often the only way things change for the better. It sucks that we're so in love with our systems that it often comes with consequences like the ones your former nemesis faces now.
(no subject)
Date: 2008-02-08 12:50 pm (UTC)The first thing I ever thought about Wee Hob was "bullying" given his reaction. I know you are talking to his school admin and teachers about it. Any chance you can enroll him in some kind of martial arts program? Lots o times it also has anger management slants and personal control sidebars. Plus - has cool cred, gives a boy something to feel good about himself.
My boy found the drum set - made him "cool" and gave him something to bang his frustrations on.
(no subject)
Date: 2008-02-08 07:39 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-02-12 07:29 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-02-16 05:05 am (UTC)I love your story of the compassionate attorney. Gives me hope, that does. As does your grounded way of handling all this. Go, you.
(no subject)
Date: 2008-02-17 12:32 am (UTC)Hugs back.